Free paper plague
Yeah, okay. Enough already.
You: bloke in puffy burgundy jacket thrusting your arm into my midriff – enough.
You: gust of dirty London air slamming sheet of damp newspaper into my face – enough.
You: story about bear using cash machine – enough.
All of you, please – enough. Except maybe you, cash machine bear. You can stay.
So, maybe this is a rant. But jeeheezoos – when will the free paper bubble burst? Do they exist in a parallel credit-smooth universe?
At last count we Londoners can expect to be offered one of three daily free papers - the Metro, London Lite and The London Paper. And then there’s City AM, Shortlist and that sports one that may or may not be around any more.
And between them enough journalism to cover a postcard, enough advertising to wallpaper the moon – and enough litter to soak up the Thames.
But, here’s what’s hilarious. There’s an ad in the Metro about recycling paper waste. The exact words are:
“Recycling a four foot stack of newspapers saves a forty foot fir tree. 1.6 million free newspapers are given out in London each day.”
So far so worrying. How many papers do you reckon are in a four foot stack? Let’s say 1000. So that’s 1600 fir trees worth each day. Or nearly half a million trees a year (and a ton and a half of extra litter on the underground, according to the BBC).
But then the ad has the cheek to say: “help us to recycle by taking yours with you”.
Don’t get me wrong – that’s a noble aim, and I’m all for personal responsibility. But these things are designed to be disposable. They lie ankle-deep on the floors of tube trains.
Look at any of those transparent bags that the station cleaners use. They’re crammed to bursting with these commuter comics, and they’re not headed for the recycling bin.
It’s like BP saying “I know we pump billions of barrels of oil from the ground each year, but please don’t use them – it’s bad for the environment.”
Some steps have been taken. Westminster Council struck a deal to make Associated Newspapers put up a bunch of recycling bins. Personally, I think the bins aren’t enough. The publishers should pay for a team to scour the streets and stations for the discarded papers.
Until then we’re destined to wade through paper snow drifts, and all those fir trees are still for the chop.
My predictions for free papers available in 2009:
“Nipple Slip Daily” - No words, just celebrity boobs.
“The London AM Metro Lite Standard” - An exciting new free paper!
“The Brangelina” - Exclusive updates and latest adoption news.
“Cash Machine Bear” - One for the intellectuals.
Haha! Nice article. I don’t expect most of these papers are making any money either, I’m guessing they’re all attempts by each publisher to undermine the sales of the other publishers’ paid-for papers.